I began attending weekend silent retreats years ago when my children were very young. Back then, life felt scary, unrelenting, and harsh. I felt alone with not enough help, resources, or energy. I felt like I was doing everything all wrong. I had grief that I could not name or explain, but it was there. I so vividly remember the sound of my tires turning onto the gravel road of the retreat center property that instantly resulted in my steering wheel being covered in grateful tears of relief... my beautiful weekend of silent nurturing had begun.
Silence is a strange, even taboo, thing in our society- especially for women. Women are trained to make others feel comfortable and at ease, even if it's at our own expense. We are supposed to selflessly caretake while making it appear effortless. We are to be happy, bubbly, and uphold an appearance that we are trouble-free to ensure that no one is put out by a need we may have. We are expected to lavishly give compliments, say hi or "excuse me" to anyone who crosses our path, make babies smile, fill any lull in a conversation, and to thank even the tiniest gesture of help so as to not seem unappreciative or rude. Silence does not lend itself to any of these duties; making silence in and of itself awkward, impolite, unacceptable.
As a separate matter, noise and busyness are effective remedies to avoid our own challenging feelings or thoughts. This tactic is appropriate and useful when we are in situations like birthday parties or a dance recitals where we cannot give due time and attention to an uncomfortable emotion. But when we find that we are constantly distracting ourselves with babble and commotion for fear of what we might have to face when the cacophony settles down is when we need silence the most.
If silence baffles or scares you, here's the truth about silence that you need to know.
Silence provides a direct path back to ourselves. Silence creates authentic connection to nature, to others, to the Universe. Silence allows us to hear the answers that have been whispering to us all along, but can't compete with the clanging of social media and the senseless noise we create. Silence holds a safe space for powerful emotions ranging from indescribable grief to explosive joy. Silence gives voice to the soul. Silence heals.
If the thought of spending an entire weekend in silence with other women seems beyond you right now, try taking baby steps to incorporate small pockets of silence into your daily life. Drive to work or the grocery store with the radio off. Drink your morning coffee outside and listen to nature. Load the dishwasher in a quiet kitchen. Sit next to your dog or cat without saying a word & simply enjoy their energy and presence. Heck, go to the bathroom without bringing your phone along. Just start making small, deliberate efforts so that silence starts to feel more natural.
I implore you to try it.
After years of attending this retreat that has healed me over time, I no longer weep when I turn down the gravel road to begin my blissful weekend with my sisters in silence. It more feels like falling into a warm embrace of an old friend who quietly sat by me and helped me through a tough time, who is always there for me, passes no judgement, and expects nothing in return. Every year, I so crave her balm for my spirit.
I now coordinate these St. Clare Silent Retreat weekends that are offered every year in October at St. Columba Retreat Center in Memphis. Women travel from all over the region to attend. I am happy to answer any questions you may have about them. If you're on my newsletter email list, you'll get a heads-up announcement when registration is about to begin. Maybe you'll join us one of these years. I hope you will.
Silence heals us. In my dreamiest of dreams, silence heals our whole world.
**Photo credit of me on an early morning walk during a silent retreat: Connie Cruthirds
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